More Than Words

I've been writing so much in the last few weeks. It is hard to know what to share, what to mull over, and what to keep for myself. But, in the end the goal of restarting this blog was to be open and raw in case someone else needs to hear the words pouring out of me. In case, by some chance, in some way, this is how I can continue to share the love that Finnian and Maisie brought to this world. 

After we lost Rachael, I wrote a lot poetry. I stopped writing as much poetry after college, after her case was resolved. Just a poem here or there but not with any intentional editing. In the time that I did write though, the poems just flooded my senses. Recently, the same thing is happening... especially in the mornings, when I sit with my coffee and think about what I wish I could tell the twins, or if not them directly what I could say about them. Robert Frost said, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." I think that is true. Here is one of the poems I wrote this week. It is but an attempt to explain why I keep writing right now. 

More Than Words
If I could express how much I love you,
If the words could cascade from my mouth
like a raging waterfall
desperate to reach the ground -  
over the cliff of my lips,
like torrents of water
shaping the earth with the message
of how much, how strongly, how deeply
my love runs for you - 

If the words could begin to shape
the exact size of my love for you,
if they could carry the weight
in a way that would 
create a bridge over the chasm
between us,

Then maybe, this endless hole in my heart
that runs through my core,
would not echo with such deafening
silence. 

If my words, imperfectly stated, could still reach you
then maybe I’d hear your response,
if even in a dribbling,
slight swooshing sound,
like a gentle creek
babbling
in the voices I long to hear,

Maybe the sky would open,
maybe heaven would sit lower
beneath the clouds
so we could whisper back and forth:
 
“I love you, baby”
“I love you, mommy”
 
and every word ever said
would not have been truer
than those. 

*****
​by: Tiffany Kann